The pictures of Paris are posted on Facebook. :)

I am back from Paris. I saw many things, but I am too tired to describe them all to you now, in the next couple days the tale will unfold. Until then just know that I had an awesome time. :)

I am going to Paris tomorrow!!!!!!!

As you might have gathered I am super excited for this trip. Tonight I am hanging out with the guys and even if they can't see how short my hair actually is... I can show them pictures, because I put it up tonight and for once I had to use hairspray to make it stay up... it's so short... :P

But overall I really like it, it's cute and flirty and the right style for me. :)

The guys should be arriving soonish, they said around 8 so... And then we are either going out or staying in, I'm fine with either... I'm wearing a very girly dress tonight... It's frilly and lacy and flowing... :P

But anyway I shall hopefully write more later. :)

I have a new haircut. I also put more money on my phone, got my memory cards for my camera so that I can leave my computer here while I am in Paris, and I exchanged my money. Now all that is left is to finish up my work and then it is off to Paris with a smile. :)

Liz is coming to see Canterbury this afternoon. I will hopefully finish reviewing my Shakespeare and ethics papers, almost finish my APM project (I just have to complete 9 more transparencies, 2 journal entries and some creative collages) It's not so bad I should be able to complete that by the end of Monday or Tuesday. The book will be really cool when I'm done with it. :)

I also need to start focusing on the outlines between now and Tuesday I need to finish them as well.

So still stuff to do. :P

But it is under control.

It's a bit windy today and it looks as if it might rain, I kind of hope it does not cause that will make walking around the city less appealing. I did all of my laundry (the last load is in the washer at the moment) I cleaned up my room and I have been planning what I want to see in Paris. :)

2 1/2 days left...

Things that I need to take with me to Paris:
Camera (possibly buy bigger memory card)
Batteries
Clothes: 2 pairs of jeans, 4 tops, 1 jacket, 1 dress, rainboots and flipflops, socks
Passport and Letters
Towel- shampoo, deodorant, face stuff
Computer?
Purse and all essentials
Umbrella
Phrase Book

I think that is it.... And if i buy a bigger memory card for my camera I will leave the computer here.

I have e-mail again. :)

The caz site will not load and by default my e-mail will not load and it bothers me.

London was good as always, I had a fantastic day yesterday and it picked my spirits up by quite a bit, so that is good.

We saw The Tower of London which was nice but I think they allotted way too much time for that particular place. We arrived at 9:30am and were scheduled to stay at the Tower until 2:30pm... when really we could have seen it all in 2 1/2 - 3 hours. Inside the Tower we saw the Crown Jewels which were gorgeous as anyone might imagine, but I do have to say that I was a bit disappointed by their presentation... They had them spread out between 3-4 rooms and I think it actually made them less impressive than if they had been all in one room. There was also an exhibit on King Henry VIII called: Dressed to Kill, which was a intricate display of armor and weaponry. I found that really interesting. Unfortunately like Windsor Castle these two places did not allow photographs inside. So i did not take pictures of the tower, nor did I buy postcards.

The second place we saw was Shakespeare's Globe Theater which was really awesome. Even though there were signs out tour guide let us take photographs. Though I wish I could have seen a play, Ive always heard that it is truly an unreal experience. I tapped into one of my guilty pleasures in the Globe, along with 2 postcards I bought a book entitled: Patterns of Fashion: The cut and construction of clothes for men and women c 1560-1620. Which basically tells you the importance of the garments in the Elizabethan Era, how to create the patterns for some and how to construct them. :) (this brings me back to my days of historical paper dolls)

Then I met up with Liz and since the Tate Modern was right next to the Globe I decided to have a peak at a couple floors, my favorite exhibit was definitely the giant Table and Chairs and I wish that they had allowed photography it was definitely something out of Alice in Wonderland where she is trying to get through the tiny door and the door knob tells her she's too big and so she drinks the bottle and shrinks... that's totally how you feel. :)

I then took my first Tube ride, from St. Paul's Cathedral which is right across the river from the Tate if you walk across the Millennium Bridge, to Hyde Park Corner, because in Hyde Park at the moment is Winter Wonderland (which reminded me so much of Wildwood, except Christmas themed) But apparently it was a VIP night last night, but no one was really checking so Liz and I wondered around, we had a glass of hot chocolate with a shot of baileys, took pictures with a singing moose/reindeer, a penguin and a polar bear. They also had ice skating and rides, shops, food booths and games. After we wondered for a bit we decided to go find a coffee shop and sit for a bit, since our dinner reservations were not until 8:30pm. We found a starbucks, I got my usual and Liz had tea. We talked about what we wanted to do in Paris. Then we headed to dinner, at Mango Tree which is on the corner of Groveranor Street across from the Queen's gardens. It was delicious, I wish I could have stayed longer and enjoyed it. Thai food is always good. :) Thanks to Adi and Liz for inviting me and for dinner. I caught my 10pm bus and talked to mom a bit which was nice to hear from her. :)

Today I am going to accomplish some work, probably take a walk later. And that's pretty much it, Liz is most likely coming tomorrow but I'm sure we'll hammer that out when she calls. I'll probbaly have more to write later, but this is all more now.

It's been a rough week, between being forcibly ignored to disappointment because I never dreamed given his behavior when we do see each other that he would behave so ill. To making people jealous which is ridiculous in and of itself... I am not the type of person that should ever make anyone jealous and certainly there is nothing special about me...

I suppose if you did not know already you have surmised as much that I'm feeling a bit down lately. At least tomorrow should help, our last trip to London and I get to see Liz and Adi. :)

Also this time next week I shall be in Paris.


And the guys promise to arrange something for Mon. or Tues. next week... maybe it will happen but my bitter self would say likely story...

I am harsh only because I am extremely disappointed.... I hope that he can make me reconsider that view.

I finish writing my out of class essays. I still need to read over them and make any corrections. Hopefully printing most of them out Thursday, and the rest by Monday. I feel a little bit better now that they are written. I'm sure I will be very happy to have everything done. :)

Paris in just about a week. I'm so excited.. and plus I think I need a bit of a change of scenery... I feel like the wind...

Another week is upon me... That means I am one more week closer to leaving and one more week closer to the end of the semester and one more week closer to having to say goodbye... :( I don't like the last one at all, I need a teleporter...

I want to be able to come back, all the time...

My mind has also been way to distracted this weekend.. for obvious reasons... What am I getting myself into?

I need to complete my work in order to have time to dwell on those thoughts. :P Hopefully by this weekend that will be the case.

Do you think I can convince a guy to watch a Jane Austen movie with me.. this is quite a challenge maybe if I claim that the settings are gorgeous and the costumes are to die for... and as a bonus there is that witty humor. :P

And we all know that romantic elements as well.... We shall see, won't we...

It is 11:08 and I am not tired... this does not bode well I have Shakespeare tomorrow and a meeting in the afternoon about my Health Care paper... hopefully it is not too intolerable. Then I just need to focus.... really focus... and if I can accomplish both essays tomorrow I shall then leave them until the weekend... do my project on Tuesday and Wednesday evening (if nothing comes up) and Thursday for outlines. There are only 4 and it shouldn't be that bad.

I'll return the last of my library books Thursday morning and I'll print out everything by Sunday. :)

I have much to do and not much time to do it in... so hence I must focus. :)

The mind is such a distraction. lol. :P

I have been drawing a bit. :)

It is hard to become motivated when your mind is just too full of thoughts... and none of them have anything to do with what you are trying to accomplish.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better, I just have to remain focused... I have outlined my last two essays and now I just need to sit down and write them which will occur tomorrow. I will also work on my outlines for Modern Brit. and my drawings. :)

I need to accomplish some entries in my reflective log as well, I should probably work on that and the drawings tonight since I am ill motivated where the papers are concerned.

My time is coming to an abrupt end... This upcoming week, I shall finish all my work, hopefully have most of it reviewed and then I can correct it by next weekend. Friday is our last required field trip, into London to see The Tower, and The Globe. Then I am having dinner with Liz and Adi at least, catching a 10pm bus back to Canterbury. Liz and maybe Adi too are coming to see Canterbury on Saturday which will be nice, I hope it does not rain. By that point I should hope to only have editing left if that.

I'm sure there will be our usual Thursday night out with the guys, maybe a movie night for Cheese and I if his schedule is not too busy. :P Maybe a grocery shopping date in there as well. :)

So that is a rough sketch of the week to come. :)

I have just finished watching Northanger Abbey and Mansfield Park, and while romance of that nature is unrealistic and superficial, I wish... for once that a man would wish to date me regardless of situation... I know that's not fair, I'm being horribly cruel, attachment is impossible. Even if I were here for longer what would happen when the time ended? Things would just fall apart, we would go back to pretending it never was, I read too many novels... my expectations are too high. I'm only 21, and yet I would seem as if I was rushing into this. It is not that I long to rush in, it is that I need time to figure out what I want. Figure out what sort of man.... would make me happy. I have picked all the wrong ones thus far, my judgement is clouded where love is concerned. And all the thoughts and all the elements that I would think would make me happy, never seem to be enough... the common solution is that I've not met the right guy yet... but what if I have and it's just not the right time or place? How would I know, what do I have to compare it to... If I were philosophical, what is love? And how do you know when you have found it?

Do not alarm yourselves, I am not in love... I merely suffer from a chonic issue with identity. If I can not identify love how am I to ever experience it?

I have met a boy here in England, he is a gentleman, he makes me laugh and he treats me right but alas I have no time to really get to know him in person. From what I have gathered thus far, he's kind, sweet, complimentary... almost too much sometimes, generous, reasonably handsome... :P, funny and quite intelligent in certain areas. We shall remain good friends, I do hope that in time, he and I might meet again but who knows when that might be.

With all the male attention the last few years, one would have thought me certain to have a Significant Other, but for one reason or another... I have not found him yet. A part of me wonders about my capability... Yes I know everyone says he'll come around when you least expect it or there are plenty of fish in the sea, or the right man is out there somewhere. I'm sure it is all true and on the one hand I'm willing that time take its course, but on the other hand I wish it might bloody hurry up. lol. I ain't getting any younger. :P


To think it's almost december... I will not know how to feel when I leave. And let me make clear, I do not want promises, nor attachments, when I find love I want it to be free, not hindered by distance or situation. :)


Such a melancholy discussion I am having with myself... and you lot just sitting in the audience I must sound to you like a choir of dramatics. I do not mean to carry on this way and truth be told I don't know how I feel about Luke, and I am voluntarily choosing not to employ any particular feeling for the obvious reasons.

I shall for once sit back and let time take its toll... for better or worse. :)

Ok as promised.... my story from last night. :P

Aaron made really spicy meatballs last night and in the middle of dinner we get this call from Luke, telling us that Paul is not going out with us and instead he is down at the Parrot with Jen and that we should meet them when we are ready... Talk about a little heads up, which is one of the things that bothers me about men, sometimes they just don't think, you know we might like to plan, maybe just a little bit... So I took a quick shower and got all prettied... :P (Strapless dress which later I remarked to the guys that the bottom of which totally could look like a candy stripper... lol, black flats, black belt and my grey cardigan) I looked super cute. :) So we get there and I order a glass of white wine (yes I learned that lesson) especially since I had just bought the dress yesterday... Well anyway to make the middle a little shorter, Jen left maybe half an hour to an hour after we got there, she's super nice and we are going to hang out at some point. Aaron also had to leave because silly man forgot he had work to finish. So that left Cheese and I alone yet again... hmmm this seems to happen a lot lately. :P But it was good, it actually wasn't awkward at all though he kept being stolen by the Swedish guys... whom appoligized to me at the end of the night, which was nice. He bought me 3 more glasses of wine so by the end of the night I was really feeling it. And yea I was probably drunk but no where near the point that I can't remember or I was slurring my words, I was just a bit unsteady. So when we left he gave me his arm so that I wouldn't go running into walls all over the place, we stopped at the Kebab shop so that he could get some food. I got a cucumber out of the deal, we also walked one of the Parrot Bartenders home which she's very nice and has a husband and kid coming to stay with her in England. After we dropped her off at her street we made our way to my door... where he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and then we were both standing there and it was kind of obvious... and then Aaron had the untimely foresight to stick his head out his window and jokingly scold us for coming home late even though it was before midnight. :P so then I went up and told him to go back to his work and shut his window and then I was just standing in front of Cheese and we hugged again and there was a moment... before he said: "I would kiss you properly but I'm eating chips and salad..." and I told him it was fine, that I didn't care... and then we kissed. :) and it was good. So the night started out weird but ended up really good. :) :)

Oh man, oh man, oh man... have I got a story to tell you from last night. :P

But, later because I have to go up to UNI this morning and talk to one of my profs. about my paper on the Magna Carta.


And don't worry it's a good story.

:)

I bought 2 dresses today, one strapless that reminds me of a nautical theme, it's blue and white striped (subtle). The other reminds me of Edwardian England, frilly and girly. :P I also bought a floral light yellow dress last weekend that has a slight tiered look in the skirt, all three have defined waists and the floral is spaghetti strapped, the frilly one has little half-cap sleeves and the strapless has optional spaghetti straps.

I have to decide which one I want to wear tonight, when the guys and I go out. I'm thinking the strapless with my black belt. :) and if I can bandage my feet enough the flats. or else maybe flip-flops. :P The black boots i don't think would really look that great, but one never knows.

Aaron is making us dinner and then I'm going to shower and then I suppose I will make all the appropriate clothing choices... (I wonder if I should wear my suit jacket, cardigan or black velvet jacket? hmmm...)

In other news, it is officially 1 month until I go home... (2 papers, 4 outlines, 1 project left)

20th of November -Dinner in London

25th -29th of November - Paris via London

2nd of December -Christmas Dinner?

Somewhere a last trip to London in there

12th of December - Leaving. :/ It is sad at the same time that it is nice. But I will miss everyone so much here.....


Some days I don't feel like I'm living my own life, you know what I mean... when you feel like you're only a spectator in your own life....

I've finished 2 papers, well until they are read by my lecturers and they tell me that they are an utter pile of bullox. :P But I have officially wrote 2000 words on Magna Carta and the Health Care debate.

I have two more papers to do this weekend. One on selfishness and one on Shakespeare.

I will also be working on my drawings, for drawing sake, the random object based drawings and for possible projects. :)

I have a month left... I'm not sure how I feel... I will miss England and it does not seem like I will be packing and getting ready to get back on a plane to take the trip across the Atlantic in 1 month's time. But I think I will also be kind of glad to go home, see the family, sleep in my own bed, take a normal shower... (won't be able to see my friends which I wish I could... :(, I miss the part of me that belongs in Nisky) see my cats.

But until that point. I will enjoy England and I want to come back at some point. Goal in life... come back and see more. At some point in my life I really want to see Europe. Not just England again but Scotland, Ireland, more of France than just Paris, Spain, Italy, Greece, and Germany. :) I also want to see more of the world, there is something about being in a different place, it gives you a different perspective not only of a new place but of your own country as well.

:)

Calling random ideas, preferably objects... so that I can then do dress designs using the random objects as inspiration... Those of you who knew me way back when... this is not the first time nor will it be the last. :P

So far on the list is:
Car
Bag
Pine cone
Donkey
Flamingo
Rudder
Bongos
Violin
Apple Core
Beet
Sword
Red Eyes
Sky
Ocean
Mug


If you think of any crazy ones... just non-normal random objects... let me know...


In other news, I have one more paper to finish today on Magna Carta, joy... joy... then I am reviewing my last 500 word paper on Tower of London and Sir Walter Raleigh, and outlining the 2 papers I need to write this weekend as well as relaxing. :) Will probably write more later.

Have a good day.

So I went out with Luke again last night, just to have a few drinks at the pub down the road and to get away from my (being inside all day) writers block, (so regrettably I still have to finish my two papers but I don't have that much left to do). I am slightly behind schedule but I will finish the papers today, finish reading Beloved and take some notes, and watch the Taming of the Shrew if I can get it on youtube, because I think I will be able to comprehend it more thoroughly after seeing it versus just reading the text.

But anyway, last night was full of epic fail, and I'm not even joking... I completely failed in all respects, the night was good, we were on our last drinks, well technically he was on his last 2, I wasn't really drinking anymore (I had already had 2 glasses of wine and was planning to come back and write some more... which I did, just not as much as I should have) But anyway back to my story... he was finishing his pint and had also gotten a glass of the house red, which i was sipping... (I should have just stuck to not drinking anymore) To give a bit of background because it will drive home the point that i truly epically failed last night, I was the most dressed down I've been going out... Jeans, flip-flops, white tank top and grey cardigan... I know normally I would dress up but the whole eye issue just made me not care... Anyway so we are sitting there and I go to grab the glass to take another sip... but I grabbed it at a weird angle so I tried to correct it so it would not spill.... however I over corrected and it went everywhere (all over me). Now I know how it feels when you get a glass of wine thrown in your face. But it was just my luck that I happened to be wearing white... and as we all know red wine and white never go together.. However on a positive note it all came out of the cardigan, and it's almost all out of the tanktop, maybe one more washing... which is kind of amazing since it was pretty bad last night... Ironically my eye felt better since the alcohol in the wine cleaned it out. lol. :P (This is definitely looking on the bright side of things because although I find it very amusing, I feel bad for Luke and it probably would have been better if it hadn't been just the two of us...)

On a different note, we have fun together, he and I but I kind of feel like it is not the same without one of the other two there. Not that it is bad it just has awkward moments, kind like we know that we like each other but we are not willing to commit... like last night walking home he put his arm around me, so i did the same and he took his arm away and then it was just sort of awkward. I mean I do like him but if it has its awkward moments now, I am not sure that means that if things were different they would go away...

So in conclusion: I think friends is a good place to stay. :)

So my evening ended in disaster, and no I'm not harping on about the date, I turned out the lights and it felt like something was in my eye, so I went to wash it out, get it out and there is nothing there. So now I have a partly swollen eye and nothing that I can see is in it, yet it still feelings like something is there. I'm going to take a shower in a bit and see if that helps, if not I'm first going to have one of my housemates look at it and then if that doesn't help I guess I'll go to the health center, if I can figure out where it is...

I also need to write 2 papers, and do some journal entries, finish reading the Taming of the Shrew and Beloved.

Maybe if I start crying it would help, tears are supposed to clean out your eyes... but unfortunately crying on command is not one of my talents.

Ok, the evening was wonderful, it really was. Luke took me to an Italian place in town where we had pasta and shared a piece of Bailey's cake which tasted divine. Then as we were walking through the high street he bought me flowers which are beautiful and we would have gone to see a movie or watched one at either my house or his but the spiciness in the pasta was making him feel ill so he just went home. (I don't know why I'm feeling slightly anti-climaxtic... anybody would look at that and say that it was a good date) Maybe if he hadn't brought up the fact that I'm only here for 3 months, but then again maybe that's a good thing. I don't need to attach myself to someone who lives 3000+ miles away. I just kind of wish.... for once that I could have an ideal moment... and maybe someday I will. But that day is not today, and I'm going to stop feeling kind of blue because it really was a wonderful evening. (But I think it was when he asked if this was going to turn into anything and I shook my head no because I know that's what he wanted me to say... and then I said that i was only here for 3 months and he said that if I were here for longer then he would have...) I think it was that moment when the euphoric high of the night came crashing down... It's always something... I'm not outgoing enough, I am not around enough, I'm not independent enough... pretty enough... But before I beat myself up, I am going to stop talking about this and say that I had a very nice date with a very nice guy and there might be more in the future.

Windsor Castle was nice, gorgeous on the inside (but alas there was no photography aloud inside) Still I took lots of photos of the outside, and the architecture is breath-taking as well. (Posted them on facebook)

I'm going on a date tomorrow night, with a nice ginger boy. He's taking me out for dinner around 4-5 at The Parrot. :) That's all I'm going to say for now... :P

So the night did not go exactly according to plan... Shall explain soon, and most likely I shall be getting up in 6 hours to go to Windsor Castle even though I think it is a waste of a day. But on a positive note... Cause all this negative tension is never good... I have a date this weekend if nothing untoward occurs between now and whichever night he wants to take me out. And my thought process is that this should be interesting at the very least. :) Anyway I should get some sleep, 6:30 will be here before I know it...

"Remember, remember, the Fifth of November, the Gunpowder Treason and Plot. I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot... But what of the man? I know his name was Guy Fawkes and I know, in 1605, he attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament. But who was he really? What was he like? We are told to remember the idea, not the man, because a man can fail. He can be caught, he can be killed and forgotten, but 400 years later, an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed first hand the power of ideas, I've seen people kill in the name of them, and die defending them... but you cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it, or hold it... ideas do not bleed, they do not feel pain, they do not love... And it is not an idea that I miss, it is a man... A man that made me remember the Fifth of November. A man that I will never forget."
-V for Vendetta

Happy Guy Fawkes Day, I am getting ready cause the guys and I are going out tonight. I'm wearing my red dress with a black belt, black tights and ballet flats. Also I am sporting my suit jacket. First of all though I am making them dinner. Chicken Fajitas and Luke is bringing the wine. Aaron bought sparklers so we will have a little fun with some fireworks. After that we are probably going out to The Parrot. I have four sets of batteries plus the ones in my camera so hopefully that will be enough.

Tomorrow is what frustrates me... I did not realize we had a field trip until yesterday... I mean it is to Windsor Castle and yea I kind of want to see it, but I kind of also want to do my work... and actually be able to relax next week cause even though I have less work this semester than I would normally have in a semester it has not made me any less stressed. So I am debating as to whether I really want to lose a day going to Windsor Castle... my deciding factor if I feel alright in the morning I will go, if not I will not. We shall see.

I have to accomplish 2 essays and some journal entries this weekend. The Health Care debate paper and the Magna Carta paper. I also want to revise my last 500 word paper and get that out of the way entirely. My journal for American Postmodernism is coming a long nicely... I'm really enjoying the creativeness of it... So I hope they appreciate it as much as I do. :)

I also am going to cut my hair while I'm over here, which should be surprising and interesting. :)

Anyway I should probably become productive or finish getting ready. More to write later. :)

I'm slightly frustrated...

Tomorrow begins another week of classes, reading week was nice, didn't get as much stuff done as I should have but I did accomplish things. :)

Tomorrow class from 9-11 and then I have a meeting at 2. In between and afterwards I shall continue working on my journal entries, organizing my research, and begin writing my papers.

My boys come back tomorrow. :)

Anyway I should probably get some sleep, have to get up by 7:30 for the first time in a week and 1/2. So goodnight, sweet dreams. :)

Here is my Intro to my Magna Carta paper for British History: (not as exciting as the other two but whatever)

Heavy Taxation and Ignorance plagued the people of England and its Monarchy respectively through out the late 12th and early 13th centuries. With the death of King Richard I in 1199, John, his brother assumed the crown and plunged England into Turmoil. Unpopular to say the least, John was known as “John Lackland or John Softsword” and was constantly defending his crown from his own people while taxing them out of house and home. Finally in 1214, the Barons rebelled and brought before John a list of grievances, which later was signed into law as the Magna Carta. The Magna Carta, which was first issued in 1215, was reissued after John’s death in 1216 under Henry III. This document has become very important throughout history, it has had both short term and long term impacts of both positive and negative natures, from constitutions, to wars and revolutions, the Magna Carta is the foundation of modern government, laws and liberty.

Here is my intro to my ethics paper on selfishness so far:

“A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses."
-Oscar Wilde


The definition of Selfishness has become like beauty, it is in the eye of the beholder. Between the views of the egotist and the views of the altruist, selfishness in both respects is black and white. It is either good or bad, virtue or vice, respectively and there is no grey area present in either view. However, these two views are not the only that exist, there are also many who believe that selflessness or selfishness is determined by morality and society’s code of ethics and the last major group claims that in order to live a full and balance life, a person needs to have a little bit of both, selfishness and selflessness. To elaborate further, using the quote by Oscar Wilde as an example, selfishness is a virtue when applying it to personal desires and values. However when one tries to apply their personal desires upon someone else, selfishness becomes a vice.